Thursday, 20 March 2014

Dodds Gone Wild in Vegas



They say "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," and after a recent visit to the city by Internet tipster Pete Dodd, perhaps that's for the best.

Lured to the city by podcast mate Rich Grisham, the always-trusting Dodd dropped his important business in Utah for a seemingly unseemly purpose. Grisham, perpetually considered to be one of the most puritanical podcasters in the business, appears to have embraced the Las Vegas mantra:
It's not clear what Grisham (who is rumoured to have once described feces not by using the word, but by describing the biological processes of digestion) meant by "fix a giant hole," but needless to say, it sounds a little concerning -- concern that was obviously shared by Dodd:
In the end, the Vegas rendezvous took place (evidenced by Twitter photos of North America's greatest city). Here's what Dodd's wife and Grisham had to say:
While it's unclear exactly what took place, what we do know is that Dodd didn't appear as thrilled by the journey, posting this shame and remorse-filled self portrait:



Unclear as to what this Vegas misadventure will mean for Dodd's podcast efforts with Grisham... and their relationship. Stay tuned.
at No comments:

Monday, 17 March 2014

Dodd: 'My ego is going wild'




Internet sensation Pete Dodd today admitted that what fuels him is not Mountain Dew Game Fuel, but a rampaging ego that knows no bounds.
Dodd made the comments to a Twitter users who jokingly warned that a new IGN article would go to his head -- taking the remark made in jest deadly seriously. He also openly wondered why the media doesn't call him.

We feel that Dodd's obvious willingness to engage those people who call in conversation is working against him. In this reporter's experience, if he were to constantly hang up whenever we called or seek out a restraining order, our desire to reach him would be magnified tenfold.

As it stands, we're happy to continue our expert analysis as we have been... and the idea of any further engagement is kind of a turnoff.
at No comments:

Saturday, 15 March 2014

Dodd's success intimidates NeoGAF leaders; dance showcase planned to sell site


Unnerved by the $2,800 of success industry insider Pete Dodd's Kickstarter crowdfunding campaign has generated, the powers that be at the Neo GAF have silenced the man who saved gamers from DRM.

Moderators at the website, well known as a mouthpiece of corporate gaming overlords, have locked a thread that discussed Dodd's Kickstarter campaign. Dodd announced his disappointment Saturday afternoon:

Twitter readers commiserated with Dodd, suggesting that the struggling videogame forum could not afford to lose readers to the coming Dodd Scientifics monolith and suggested that the path to coverage would be the same as it is for any industry body looking to get their message out on NeoGAF: bribery...



Dodd has suggested he's looking for new ways to get the word out... of course, it seems the one way to spread news in Utah is via dancing on street corners. We're expecting Dodd's version of this video within the week:

at No comments:

Thursday, 13 March 2014

EXCLUSIVE: Dodd to make pornographic debut (UPDATE: Dodd worried about performance)


Provocatively timed to begin just after midnight, a rookie adult film producer has announced he's producing his first live event with none other than video gaming insider Pete Dodd.

The producer, who goes by the nickname Boogie2988, made the announcement via Twitter this evening:
While it's unclear exactly what the show will entail, its name is clearly a play on the acclaimed 1997 movie Boogie Nights, an engrossing character study that focuses on the pornographic film industry.

As for the producer, little is known about him, and despite our efforts (tweet below), we were unable to determine his true identity. Of course, a pseudonym makes sense for a fledgling adult filmmaker -- protecting a 9-5 career before striking it big in adult entertainment.
UPDATE: Dodd is showing some signs of performance anxiety as he prepares to hit the screen for Boogie2988:
 UPDATE 2: Dodd's fans appear excited for his upcoming appearance and are rallying behind him:

at No comments:

Dodd: Xbox Live's Major Nelson is on a fad diet



Microsoft lackey Pete Dodd today revealed that Xbox Live's No. 1 officer, Major Nelson, is on a fad diet to celebrate the release of the new Xbox One Titanfall bundle. While it's not clear why the man known as Larry Hryb is on the diet, Dodd openly questioned whether the new meal plan would work:
While it's unclear what Hryb hopes to gain from the diet -- whether its to enhance his training through Kinect Fitness or prepare for Kinect Sports Rivals -- Dodd wisely raised the question of whether it the eating plan was safe.

Major Nelson's behavior is reminiscent of the actions of people who suffer from the disorder pica (no relation to Pikachu). People with pica frequently eat items that are not food and have been known to have complications, such as this case of a man who swallowed enough coins to buy two PlayStation 4s (accounting for inflation).

We hope Hryb is sticking to paper money, as expensive as that may be.
at No comments:

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

New revelation casts Pete Dodd's reliability into doubt


He's made his name on repeating things people have told him... but a new revelation suggests that perhaps Internet insider Pete Dodd is only repeating things he thinks people have said to him.

Reacting to the joyous first screenshots of RBI Baseball, Dodd expressed concern about a detail he felt the game got wrong about Fenway Park:

By Dodd's own admission, he's been there "dozens of times," yet he can't remember a simple detail about his home team's field. And if he can't remember something he's apparently seen numerous times, how can he be expected to accurately recall elements of a conversation he's only had once?

While we can share our concern with words, we believe we can best illustrate this Dodd shortcoming with pictures. So we created an overlay of the RBI Baseball image and placed it in a real image of Fenway Park:


The differences between the real Fenway and RBI's Fenway are so subtle that you might not even notice them in this image -- below we zoom in on the video game/real scoreboard in question:


We have one word: verisimilitude. Needless to say, this new information necessitates a more careful investigation of future Dodd information. We remain committed to the Truth.






at No comments:

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

In Brief: Site independently verifies Dodd rumor; Famousmortimer hates most populous U.S. state


Independent gaming website Gamepur on Monday called into question whether Pete Dodd's efforts to launch an independent website of his own are truly needed.

While some gamers have grown disillusioned with the mainstream gaming press, Gamepur committed the kind of responsible journalism for which people have been clamoring. Not content to accept Dodd's ramblings at face value, Gamepur tracked down a secondary source -- one Pete Todd -- to confirm Dodd's claims.

Wrote Gamepur's Sehran Shaikh: "Pete Todd said that currently Batman: Arkham PS4 vs Xbox One pre-orders stands at 4:1 ratio in United States.
"I was told last night by a guy at MS that Batman is being preordered, in the US, to the tune of 4 to 1 in favor of the PS4 currently." Todd wrote on NeoGaf."
Shaikh also asked Todd to comment on a rumor about Titanfall sales... yet despite the independent confirmation went on to include this disclaimer in his article: "Dodd has a good track record of being spot on with his inside information but we still advice or readers to take it with a grain of salt and consider this as a rumors. However considering the current market scenario this recent information revealed by Dodd sounds believable."

That's the kind of sound advise that's elevating the medium. Eat your heart out, Dodd Scientifics.

Dodd hates California



Despite being the home of Hollywood, one eighth of the U.S. population and the Google bus, Pete Dodd revealed Tuesday that he hates California and, moreover, all denizens of the Pacific Time Zone, including his corporate overlords at Microsoft.

We're not sure what prompted Dodd's outburst, but we're stunned and disappointed by his divisive commentary. That said, screw you Salem, Oregon.


at No comments:

Dodd assures gamers Titanfall will not void their PS4 warranties

Web prognosticator Pete Dodd on Tuesday boldly claimed Microsoft exclusive game Titanfall will not destroy the cutting-edge technology in Sony's PlayStation 4 console or void its warranty:

While rumors reported by Dodd have been proven true in the past, it's important to remember this news has not been confirmed by Sony, so gamers may want to take precautions such as storing their PlayStation 4 in a lead-lined container if it's in the vicinity of an Xbox One console containing Titanfall. Users with detached garages or toolsheds may with to store their console in those locations for improved safety.

Dodd's claims run counter to longstanding Internet lore that a rival console cannot be permitted to have quality games as exclusives. We've reached out to Sony to determine whether Dodd's claims are accurate.

at No comments:

Saturday, 8 March 2014

For the first time ever, we're unable to decipher for you what this means


First and foremost, The Word of Dodd is a news outlet, with a professional voice and a rigorous commitment to truth. Today, however, we must ask: What. The. Hell?

Credit podcaster Nicklaus West, who reportedly wears agitated trousers, with this image -- we don't know what to make of it, but clearly it is something extremely important.

Word of Dodd took West's original image and modified it slightly to better align the faces... and we don't know what it means.

Some questions it clearly raises:
  1. Are Pete Dodd and Arthur Gies lost brothers?
  2. Is Nicklaus West implying Pete Dodd is Arthur Gies (and also a master of disguise)? Or vice-versa?
  3. Does this mean Pete Dodd has the facial structure required to run a successful gaming website like Polygon?
 We're sorry, readers, that we can't shed more light on this. We're still... recovering. If you have any ideas, please leave them in the comments.
at No comments:

Friday, 7 March 2014

Dodd Internet problems hampering pro-Microsoft PR


For Your Pete Dodd's Pete Dodd's new career as a Microsoft shill brand ambassador appears to be getting off to a rough start, apparently due to terrible Utah ISPs, which have been a steady source of complaints for the entitled East Coaster.

Here's one such complaint from Dodd, who sources believe to be one of the key curators of Wikipedia's page on the novel Superfudge.

Fast forward to today, as Dodd revealed his struggles in messaging for Microsoft, which could only come down to connectivity problems with his overlords in Washington state:

Clearly there is some sort of communications breakdown between Utah and Redmond, as evidenced by Dodd's lack of knowledge about the game. Dodd also showcases his lack of ability as a voice for Microsoft, saying he doesn't "know how to feel about this" because he hasn't been instructed by the company.

Of course, any shill brand ambassador worth his or her salt would know intuitively how to feel about that: That it's the best thing ever. In fairness to Dodd, the day before it was revealed he's being paid by Microsoft, he admitted he stank (at the job, not in terms of aroma):
In related news to appease skeptics, Dodd also shared news today of an early payment from Microsoft as part of their business arrangement:
While some readers were skeptical of our original article, despite the fact it was based on the ironclad results of a web poll, the only surprise here for us is that Microsoft is paying Dodd so poorly. Nevertheless, for those who wanted concrete evidence, look no further.
at No comments:

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Dodd: Jack Tretton is leaving C-suite to write code



Video gaming's biggest news of the day came from Sony on Thursday, as the Japanese tech giant revealed Jack Tretton was stepping down as chief executive of Sony Computer Entertainment America. Being the Internet, the reaction was swift and fanatical, with numerous users on The NeoGAF suggesting this was more evidence of trouble at Sony.

Number one insider Pete Dodd, however, set the record straight via Twitter, leaving the real reason for Tretton's departure hiding in plain sight:

To the uninitiated, this may seem like a broad statement, but we took a deeper look at the message and were able to decode Dodd's true meaning. Here's what our process of elimination determined:
  1. Retirement? Hell no. Turning 53 this year, Tretton is about 30 years shy of retirement age for CEOs.
  2. Worse job but more money? It's hard to imagine anyone wanting to leave Sony; moreover, it's hard to imagine anyone paying better, right? Strike two.
Therefore, the clear answer was "better job." But coming off an amazing career as head of America's PlayStation division, it couldn't be just any job. It had to be the best job. 

We look forward to seeing what projects Tretton will look to develop as a programmer... or perhaps he's more interested in squashing bugs in an industry that has grown accustomed to Day 1 patches. Whatever the case, we're looking to former Xbox boss Don Mattrick to step down from Zynga soon and make the same move (followed closely by a revival of the Hardball! series of baseball games).
at No comments:

Dodd: IGN never contacted Sony or Naughty Dog regarding Hennig


Online man-about-town Pete Dodd revealed Wednesday that breaking reports from IGN about creative director and writer Amy Hennig's department from Naughty Dog were incorrect:
Armed with Dodd's insider knowledge, we took a look at IGN's original text, ignoring the update, to determine exactly what they got wrong:

Amy Hennig, the creative director and writer on the Uncharted series, has left developer Naughty Dog.
Numerous trusted sources close to Naughty Dog have verified Hennig’s departure from the studio. She was writing and leading development of Uncharted PS4. Her final day at the studio was Monday, March 3.
Sony later confirmed it, so this was true and we've read about her involvement in Uncharted for PS4, so that is true.
Sources claim Hennig was “forced out” by The Last of Us’ Neil Druckmann and Bruce Straley, and explained that Uncharted may now come under their control.
 Numerous websites have reported the same information, so with such deep reporting resources turning up the same news, this must be fact.
Hennig recently celebrated her 10th anniversary with Naughty Dog, where she served as director and writer on Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves , and Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception. Her work was recently profiled in IGN’s The History of Naughty Dog.
All true!

 We’ve contacted both Sony and Naughty Dog for comment and will keep you up to date with any developments.
There you have it, ladies and gentlemen, the smoking gun.

at No comments:

Dodd: I am happy to be ruining the industry

This gamer-endorsed game may be the perfect tonic to Peter Dodd's insolence.
 Famous Mortimer himself, the Twitter user known as Pete Dodd, admitted today that he is behind gamers' disillusionment with the industry:


Perhaps most troubling is Dodd's admission that he's "happy to be a part of the problem."

This site serves two masters: the Truth, and gamers. And while we're happy about Dodd's commitment to the former we're disappointed by his disregard for the gamers that make the industry what it is. It's time he changed his ways and started liking the games his readers want him to... because that's what games journalism should be about.
at No comments:

Monday, 3 March 2014

Dodd releases excerpts from console war manifesto



Internet provocateur Pete Dodd on Monday called the gaming masses to action, urging console fans everywhere to take to their keyboards and fight a bitter battle over which platform holder will ultimately reign supreme.

In a stirring message to anyone who has shed a tear over an exclusive game appearing on a system they don't own, Famous Mortimer released some of the first points from what we believe to be a multi-chapter manifesto for system warriors everywhere:

As anyone who has owned a less popular console knows, it can be a trying experience to live with a machine whose very viability is in question. Dreamcast fans, for example, are well aware of the fact that if they just believed a little harder and scored a few more points on the Gaming-Age forums in that Golden Age before "NeoGAF," Sega would still be alive today and the Dreamcast 3 would be the dominant platform of the new generation.

Likewise, everyone knows that if you back the dominant platform, it's essential to kick your rivals when they're down -- you never know when your multimillion-dollar corporation of choice will pull a Virtual Boy or offer a launch message so tin-eared as Sony's two-job PS3 recommendation.

Whatever the case, the Internet today looks to Dodd as a revolutionary leader and awaits further instruction.
at No comments:

Dodd: People shouldn't have taken that #PS4noDRM stuff seriously



Pete Dodd admitted Sunday that he's just been "having a laugh" with gamers on Twitter with his tidbits of news and (especially?) his #PS4noDRM campaign. In fact, Dodd went so far as to say that users should not take anything he says seriously:
We'll let that sink in for a moment: It's "impossible to take anything someone says seriously..." IMPOSSIBLE. While some readers may see this as Dodd preaching common sense or encouraging people to pay attention to exactly who they're listening to, we can't help but see it as something of an admission... perhaps a cry for help after a simple joke went too far. To wit, a Dodd tweet from mid-February:
Clearly Dodd's March 3rd tweet is a callback to this message -- as well as an admission that he's a man who's impossible to take seriously. While we can only speculate as to why he's been playing gamers for fools (and that he is, perhaps, a fan of DRM in all forms), it's clear subtle truths lie beneath his duplicitous nature.

Dear reader, we will continue our commitment to truth and attempt to seek out those nuggets of truth while filtering out Dodd's damned lies.
at No comments:

Saturday, 1 March 2014

Dodd website proposal suffering funding crisis



Would-be Internet entrepreneur Pete Dodd on Saturday announced he has made a catastrophic error in the Kickstarter crowdfunding campaign for his new website. Dodd revealed that his budget for the website was based on an incomplete business model:
Of course, Dodd is referring to the misstep of not including a budget for writers' tattoos in his Kickstarter crowdfunding proposal. The error may cost Dodd in his quest to attract talent. It may mean his mission to produce well-written, insightful features will fall by the wayside versus sites like Polygon, which have tattoos properly covered.

All may not be lost, however. While Dodd is unlikely to raise the surplus funds via Kickstarter crowdfunding there still may be an opportunity to produce a series of videos paid for by an advertiser that may or may not also be a platform holder.
at No comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)